Have you ever wondered why exactly you can’t just get your “ish” together? Well….me too! I am constantly, and I do mean constantly chasing my tail! I get myself in a hole while mindlessly taking a stroll and then baaaammmm! Into the rabbit’s hole I go!
Is it inevitable for some people?
Ever see those people who just have it all together ALL THE TIME? I tell ya, I was born and raised in a family far different than me. My parents grew up with struggles and have preserved for the things they have today. They are hard working, Oh, and my sister, my sister is Monica Geller from the show Friends- no, she is not Courtney Cox, but I could have sworn the writer’s met my sister as an adult and then wrote a character just for her. Then, there is me. I think I am a good combination of Ross, Phoebe, and Joey combined! Divorced, whiny, and nothing can seem to go right Ross, flaky and edgy Phoebe, and a sweet, oblivious little dreamer like Joey. Yup- allllll me!
I grew up being afraid of well, growing up. I was my very own “Lost Boy”. I believe by the age of 7 my anxiety of getting older began and with each birthday I grew more and more afraid! I though, “It’s a trap! Who wants to get older? Who wants to pay bills and have responsibilities? I sure don’t! Who am I? Who will I become?! It’s so much pressure!” Yes, I was 7 and began to have these thoughts!
Well, here I am, I am about to be 30 in a couple of months and these are still my questions! Sad eh? Not really. I guess “ish” happened. I was once married. I was married to the absolute love of my life. Interesting enough, I met this love when I was in junior high, being a year older than him I left junior high into high school and did not see him again till the end of 9th grade when he looked “more grown” at a public library where he followed me around the book aisles trying to steal a kiss- he didn’t. I didn’t seem him again until another year and half later when he looked like a “grown hot man”….yes a 15 year old hot “man”.
We started a teenage roller coaster romance. I was absolutely smitten, jealous, annoyed, hormonal, and believe it or not- flat out head over heels in love and I had no idea what to do with it.
Years later, I married this boy, had a child with him, divorced him, watched him sail away with someone else, get re-married, and have more children with this new person, all a while I have been finding myself, and being accused of being a crazy liar. Yes a crazy liar, one who makes up stories about children…..
What in the world? No, I will not disclose the story in this one post. It’s too much! But what is my point today? Perhaps there isn’t one, perhaps today it was necessary for you the reader to know that while you are a hot mess, so am I. So is that person sitting next to you, your co-workers, people at church even. Yes we all are one big hot mess and although today my “ish” isn’t together, and neither is yours, I promise it will get better! It definitely has for me. Have my dreams came true yet? Mmmm, not exactly, but my dear they are coming. It gets better!!!
Rambled enough today. Stay tuned. I promise, it gets better. 🙂